I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
