imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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