Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
