Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
