They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
