alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
