Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
