found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
