so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
