Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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