so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
