Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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