just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize