i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
