Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
