i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize