The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
