i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
