found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
