I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
