there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish there were birth control emojis
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
