put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
