Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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