Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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