hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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