Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
