i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
