I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
