Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
