it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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