I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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