When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
