Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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