I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
