My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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