My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
