Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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