I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
