Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
