I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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