my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
