i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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