Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
