Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
