i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
