It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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