No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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