i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
