When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
