My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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