Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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