I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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