Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
