It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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