Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
