my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
