wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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