Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
