two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
