he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
