like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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