this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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