Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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