i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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