your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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