The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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