I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
