Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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