if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize