I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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