Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
