dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
