Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
