Don't make out with my wife yet
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
