bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
