Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
