There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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