My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
