Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
