It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
