My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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