4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
