He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
