Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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