My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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