I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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