I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
