Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
