I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
