my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
