I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
