I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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