wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
