a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
