First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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