Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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