If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
