Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
