I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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