Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
