Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
