I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
