and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
