1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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