And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
