i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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